The John Report: The Raw Deal for 06/14/10 (Limofest)
Live from Charlotte, North Carolina this is the Raw Deal…
We start with a recap of last week’s beating on Cena. They edited in clips of Wade Barrett cutting a promo earlier in the show about making an impact. Well done video package as always.
I said before the show that the best thing they can do is have either Cena or the NXT guys in ring, so I was pleased when the first person we saw was Wade Barrett. He said he was there because Raw GM Bret Hart wanted them to apologize for their actions last week. Out came the 6 other NXT rookies. No Daniel Bryan of course. All of the guys said they wouldn’t apologize. They were all happy with what they did. Barrett went on to say the problem was with WWE management putting them in ridiculous challenges on NXT and that they changed the rules of the show as it went along. Good points, which are funny because it’s basically the writing team ripping themselves for hurting the original NXT concept. He said it made them look like jokes, but that after last week’s Raw nobody was laughing at them anymore. Bret Hart came out and said they needed to show some remorse. Then Barrett said Daniel Bryan showed remorse, which is why he wasn’t there and now he won’t ever be seen from again. So there’s a Daniel Bryan mention although I don’t think that means he’ll be back for sure. You never know. It’s pretty rare that somebody is mentioned the week after they get released. The NXT guys wanted contracts, their own locker room and first class airline tickets. Bret said no. Instead, they got nothing, Barrett was fired and he wasn’t getting his PPV title match either. Then it just ended. I thought it was a little underwhelming to be honest although I guess it was to be expected. They left it pretty open so that you knew you’d see the NXT Seven again.
I should add here that Bret Hart said “WWF” at one point. It was actually bleeped out here in Canada. I guess being on a 15 minute delay allows them to do that. I’m sure Vince thought it was very controversial of Bret to say that. For the record, if a douchebag guest host says it I’ll make fun of them for it. If Bret Hart says it no making fun. He has my respect. And it’s my column, so deal with it haters.
In case you missed it, I wrote about the Daniel Bryan situation on my blog on Sunday night right here. I covered all of it, so check it out when you get the chance.
US Title: The Miz d. R-Truth, Zach Ryder and John Morrison (**1/4)
Truth is from Charlotte, which usually means you’re losing. And that’s what happened. This was booked like every other triple threat or fatal fourway in the history of wrestling. Guy is on offense, guy goes for pin, and other guy breaks it up. That guy hits a move, goes for a pin and another guy breaks it up. That’s what these matches are all the time. They got about ten minutes. The action was pretty solid because they all work hard and the timing was good for the most part. The finish was a bit weak with Ryder hitting his leg lariat, Morrison took him out and then he hit a terrible Starship Pain on Truth because he barely connected on it. I think only his wrist hit the guy. That’s why I don’t love that move. I’d rather he use the Flying Chuck kick as a finish because it’s a KO type of finish. Anyway, Miz slid back in the ring, took care of Morrison and stole the pin. Nice finish for the cheap heel win. He’s the champion again. They announced later in the show that at Fatal Fourway it would be Miz defending against Truth.
Backstage, Josh interview Orton who basically said his shoulder was fine. Then he talked about the NXT guys saying he can understand making an impact because he was known for that, but on the other hand they’re punks that deserve to be fired or have their brains beaten in. Why doesn’t anybody ask why the locker room was unwilling to help Cena last week in the first place? I mean I know why they didn’t because it made it look better to give him no help, but what’s the on screen excuse for no help? That’s all I want.
Hey, it’s the weekly “awkward conversation segment with Bella Twins talking to the guest host” spot. I love this. It’s great unintentional comedy. Mark Feuerstein, on the USA show Royal Pains (King LOVES it by the way, absolutely LOVES it!), is the guest host although frankly I have no fucking clue why we still need the guest hosts or what their responsibility is. To add to that, Ted Dibiase wants to be co-guest host. Again, what does that even mean? Maybe he could plug his movie that nobody watched. Anyway, Feuerstein said some funny things and talked tough to Ted because Big Show was standing right there. Then we ended up getting a match with “Main Event” Mark teaming with Big Show against Ted & Virgil. Then Mark admitted he barely did wrestling and was a skater instead. He jumped in Show’s arms to end the segment while the Bellas looked on unimpressed. Yes, the two girls who do nothing but stand there in these crappy segments are unimpressed by something.
Backstage, John Cena was walking. He was almost limping. He is not next.
Evan Bourne d. Chris Jericho via DQ (*1/4)
Man, how good could this have been if they got something like 15 minutes? Jericho’s the perfect guy for Bourne to beat in a PPV match like that. Instead, we got a three minute Raw special that told no story and ended with Jericho beating up Bourne while he was in the ropes. After the match, Bourne hit the Air Bourne to make the crowd happy. The rumor is that Jericho losing clean to Show in 3 minutes and this booking is due to WWE not being happy that he took a job hosting a reality show on ABC that starts in a few weeks. I don’t know if that’s true, but that’s the rumor. I’d guess the losing streak will continue.
The theme of the night was the announcers pointing out MANY times that the champion only had a 25% chance of retaining at Fatal Fourway. They said it a lot. The other three guys also have a 25% chance of winning too, just to be fair. I have a 99% chance of being annoyed by this being the whole fucking show.
Promo Time with Cena
Cena came out at the top of hour two for his “you guys are mean” speech. Basically, those guys are mean because they ruined things for the WWE Universe. They also destroyed the ring, which is sacred ground. Why? Because Hornswoggle lives under there. That’s why. Oh, and yes Cena did his “speak really quiet before RAISING HIS VOICE” deal like always. Even though the NXT guys were told to leave the building, they showed up through the crowd. How? Who knows? They just did. This time, the locker room actually helps Cena. Even the heels like Edge and Sheamus. The locker room has the numbers, so they cleared the NXT guys out of there. Cool moment with the crowd loving it. They even chased them into the backstage area where cameras were waiting. The best part? Shots of Mark Henry running! KOOL AID~! is on the move! I think Mark Henry slowly moving ahead of the NXT guys while he was supposed to be doing the chasing was unintentionally hilarious. Also, all those guys running from Santino is great. “Oh no, the guy that almost never wins is chasing us. We better move!” I think that proved the Raw locker room is not very deep. It goes from top guys to jobbers pretty quick. This was a decent angle, though. It made sense that they would want to help Cena this time for the sake of the company. Like I said the crowd being really into it helps a lot as well.
Eve & Gail Kim d. Maryse & Alicia (1/2*)
The best wrestler in the match, Gail Kim, wasn’t even in the ring during the match. Eve won after about three minutes. All four of them are in a fourway match at the PPV. Feel the excitement. On the plus side, Melina’s probably back in a month. Can’t they book Natalya in matches once in a while? What a waste. The Divas division sucks. No other way of saying it.
They announced that the main event was now Cena & Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus instead of just Orton vs. Sheamus as advertised. In other words, this show was booked on a napkin at the bar.
Check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport and trust me it’s more entertaining the next two matches. I’m going to start sending more smartass messages to people. It’s a lot of fun during a slow workday.
Big Show & Mark Feuerestien d Ted Dibiase & Virgil (1/4*)
Comedy match. They had Feuerestein pin Virgil after a worm and a terrible elbow drop. I guess Big Show knocked Virgil down before that. I couldn’t make it the whole three minutes without the use of FF on the DVR. Poor Dibiase, though. They probably told him they had these great plans for him after the draft. He’s viewed so lowly by the fans now. And the $13.50 belt he carries around isn’t helping either. Oh, and if you care he stuffed money down Virgil’s throat and then took it away. Yep, you don’t care. Nobody else does either. Big Show is in a PPV main event level match, by the way. Way to promote that.
I still think Bradley Cooper was the best guest host ever last week when he was on for 15 seconds, said two lines and then was never seen again. That was great.
Santino d. William Regal (DUD)
Kozlov was the ref. Another “comedy” match. Santino won after about a minute with the tights. If this is all they’re going to do with Regal can’t they just tell him to retire, fire Lawler and put him in the chair where you know he’s going to be good.
After the match, Bret Hart came out to say he wanted them to stand at the top of the ramp along with the rest of the Raw roster to prevent something from happening like last week. Yes, last week when none of these people did anything to help John Cena from getting massacred. Oops, there I go again. The rest of the locker room came out. I’m sure Mark Henry hoped there was no running involved this time. No sign of Chris Jericho. Maybe he’s the mastermind behind the NXT invasion? I doubt it. I wouldn’t hate it, though.
John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus ended in a WTF? (***)
A 20 minute main event on Raw? Holy shit, that never happens anymore! Of course, the match proved to be completely irrelevant by the end. They did the long face in peril spot with the heels beating up Cena for a while, who barely sold the beating from last week by the way. These people should watch Bret Hart tapes. The guy would sell a knee injury for two months straight even though you forget when he hurt the damn thing. They can’t even tell Cena to sell “the most brutal beating ever” for a week? Once Cena got Orton in there, it was Randy’s turn to get beat up by the bad guys. The crowd was pretty hot for the babyface team, chanting the names of both guys while they were waiting for tags. Orton hit a really nice RKO on Edge that amounted to nothing because Edge went to the floor, but it really made the fans happy. Things broke down at the end when the lights went out and the focus went on the Titantron.
We saw the NXT boys backstage destroying things. See, nobody was around because they were all on the stage. Apparently that also means those guys stayed on the stage watching the screen rather than actually moving. Yes, throw your brains out the window again. It’s wrestling, I know. They had Bret Hart with them. They dragged him into some limo. The person driving the limo (we have no idea who it was) ended up backing the limo into randomly parked cars. They opened the door up, yelled at Bret and threw him back in for more. More limo bashing ensued. Finally it stopped, with no sign of help, as Barrett yelled at Bret saying they want their contracts. They want their answer by Sunday. The show ended with Bret sitting there in a heap.
What we learned on this show is that choking somebody with a tie is worse than capturing somebody, sticking them in a limo against their will and then intentionally trying to injure that person while they are in the limo. I’m sure he won’t press charges either. I know, I know, we’re not supposed to think when watching WWE. Sometimes I can’t fucking help it. I’m sorry. It’s not a bad angle. I guess I just wish they did more of a beatdown of Bret rather than using the over top route of having a limo crash into random cars.
Oh, and since I know the questions are coming, no I don’t think they’re going to say Daniel Bryan was driving the limo. I’m sure everybody will think that though. It was really Justin Roberts. What a swerve. Nobody will suspect the ring announcer!
Who do I think it was driving the limo? I think it was Rikishi. He did it for The Rock. Gold, Jerry. Gold.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Mark Henry running ahead of the NXT guys while he was supposed to be chasing them and then doing nothing as they went by. That was great. KOOL-AID~! for everybody.
2. Justin Roberts smiling into the camera as if to say “fuck you Daniel Bryan” when he did a ring intro.
3. The skilled guy that was driving the limo. I would have hit somebody.
Worst Moment of the Week
Anything Jerry Lawler said. I seriously think he’s worse than Cole now. Not even joking. He’s brutal.
6.5 out of 10
Last week: 3
The first hour was pretty good. The second hour sucked after the Cena promo thanks to a lame women’s match, then two straight comedy matches. The main event was solid although the actual match proved to be irrelevant due to the ending show angle. Still, there was more good than bad this week as far as I’m concerned. And guess what? I’m intrigued about next week already. Two weeks in a row like that. That’s the sign of a good storyline.
The problem is that the PPV has been promoted poorly. I can’t see it doing a good number. The NXT guys wanting their answer by Sunday could interest some late buyers, though.
Keep checking out thejohnreport.net for exclusive articles that are only posted on my blog. We’ve got TNA recaps, previews and a column on the knockouts plus other shenanigans that you need to be checking out.
I’ll be back mid-week for a preview of Fatal Fourway or is it Fatal 4way? Who the fuck knows? Maybe we’ll have more than four matches to preview. I guess I’ll have to read Smackdown spoilers.
Thanks for reading.
John Canton – firstname.lastname@example.org
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